apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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