As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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