Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
