Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the liver wants what the liver wants
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
