So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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