Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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