Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
