Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
