You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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