I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
