I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
