i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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