I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
