I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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