At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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