Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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