his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
