You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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