So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
