What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
