just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
