make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
