Will you blow on my dice?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
