It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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