I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
