I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
