I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
