Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the condom got lost in my hair
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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