it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
