dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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