Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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