good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
