I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
