Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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