I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
