i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
