bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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