how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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