everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
