Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
