My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
