There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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