guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
