Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sober January is a disaster.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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