I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
