ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
