he wants to bone in the snuggie
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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