Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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