I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
