a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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