Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
